Michael Phelps is the most successful Olympian of all time. Through a surface-level observation of this fact, you’d think that would make him pretty happy, right? So why then at the peak of his career was Phelps seriously unhappy with his life?
We look at these stars in the public spotlight and it seems like they have it all. A struggle for Phelps was being defined by his field of success: Swimming. Outside of swimming, he questioned, “What am I?”.
We’re all so much more than what we spend our time doing or being “successful” at, whatever that even means. We’re all unique, deeply complex individuals, with different idiosyncrasies and characteristics. Even our flaws are beautiful!
Phelps says that to get himself out of this hole, he needed to define himself as more than an athlete. We can be a friend, a husband, a wife, a partner, a mother, a father, or a very amateur writer here on Substack. Anything you want to be! If it gives us purpose, that’s even better.
We can get here by trying new things. If you’ve dived head-first into anything and had a relative level of success, you may feel like you’ve been defined and can’t pivot. Trust me, you can. You’re completely undefinable, especially if it’s other people seeking to label you. Try new things, especially things that initially might bring a level of discomfort. If you feel a sense of achievement and happiness afterwards, this is likely what I define as good discomfort. It’s good discomfort that helps us grow.
Over time, these new pursuits could become a priority in your life and completely change your way of thinking. Be brave. And remember, you’re undefinable, and that’s an amazing thing. Nobody is as good as you are at being you.
So, with all this talk, what truly is success? Is it different for us all, or is there a selection of defining principles?
What Is Success?
In my opinion, one of the most difficult aspects of success to understand is the role accomplishments and goals play in our lives. Our underlying motivations for the pursuit of these ambitions are vital to our happiness while in pursuit of what we believe to be success.
Quick question, if you’re pursuing any goal in life, ask yourself this: Are you doing this because you want to for yourself, or because you believe some outside influence expects it of you?
Why do we view success from the point of view of others? How we look from the outside is the highest consideration.
Shouldn’t success be defined from within? I believe its this exact question that is the key to what success is.
This requires a certain level of self-awareness, and an active effort to recalibrate your brain into thinking this way.
Characteristics and concepts such as comparison to others, jealousy, and population hierarchy span back to the days of the hunter-gatherer. Back in the days when lions ate everybody for breakfast, you had to compete to be the leader of your group or clan. This naturally created an organisational hierarchy in society that remains engrained in our brains to this day. When you aren’t at the top of the societal food chain, it’s natural to compare yourself to those higher on the hierarchy and ponder how you can get there. Take note, everyone, even at the top of the hierarchy looks up at someone they perceive to be doing better than them. There’s always somebody doing better off and worse off than you. As hard as it is, I’d encourage us to cast this societal hierarchy aside.
That’s because you’re not in a hierarchy with other people. You’re in a hierarchy with yourself. You from yesterday, and the day before that, and you from the 2nd of June 2004, if you existed back then. Each day you should be defining success from within yourself. If you’re bettering yourself every day, that’s great. That kind of progress feels great. If you’re stuck stationary, or heading backwards, you might feel like something is missing, but you can’t quite put your finger on it. What you’re missing is an overarching meaning or purpose, or a purpose that is stagnating. As discussed, try new things. Perhaps you’ll find one you like to rejuvenate your sense of success.
Once we locate areas in life to improve or new things to try, a process by Sahil Bloom greatly helps me frame these accomplishments. We can very easily scare ourselves out of acting by setting huge goals for ourselves. These huge targets are demotivating if they seem too lofty and unachievable. We need small bitesize progress to get started. To beat this issue, set yourself ABC goals. Your A goal should be the overachieving target, your B goal the middle of the road, and your C goal for those days you’re not feeling at your best.
Couple this with the principle that you should allow yourself to miss a habit for one day, but never two, and it becomes easier to get started with that new pursuit you’ve been thinking about for so long. Who knows, this could be your next endeavour down a pathway of success.
Concluding Remarks
In our modern age of distractions, it’s easy to avoid difficult conversations, situations, and anything that troubles us. We can buy new shiny things. We can get drunk. We can oversleep and overeat to cure boredom—anything to dull the voice in our head.
A key part of success is facing yourself honestly. From this, we discover the self-awareness that enables us to plan to use many of the concepts mentioned in this piece. As Blaise Pascal said, “All of humanity’s problems, stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” Why not try to sit by yourself for five minutes and think about success?
What areas in life are you happy with your level of success? Where do you think you can achieve more? What areas of your life will create more happiness and satisfaction if you spend more time on them? Where can you have the most impact on others, but most importantly, yourself?
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