The Spotlight Effect
We tend to think we’re more important than we are. We think everybody monitors every little thing we do. Most of the time, they aren’t. They don’t notice everything we do. We aren’t that important.
The spotlight effect describes the phenomenon in psychology where we believe we are being observed more than we actually are. We think our actions, appearance, and behaviour are always being watched, ridiculed, or judged by somebody else. This is rarely the case.
However, adapting to the existence of the spotlight effect can take time. We can feel self-conscious about ourselves in social situations or our appearance, focusing on our flaws or what we perceive as our weaknesses. Just remember, you have to always live in your own head. Nobody else does. You’re naturally going to be more observant and aware of yourself.
To you, your hair could look a mess because one area looks different to the usual. To everyone else, it is barely noticeable. Most people won’t even be aware that your hair doesn’t normally look like that! But, we often can’t change what we feel self-conscious about. And we all have certain things we do feel self-conscious about. Anybody who does draw attention to things that you’re self-conscious about isn’t really a friend.
The spotlight effect can help improve our relationship with mistakes. If we feel less observed and judged, we’ll be less likely to be anxious and make mistakes. But even if we do make mistakes, we won’t care because we’ll feel less pressured anyway. Plus as I never stop writing about, mistakes are good! Embrace the mistakes and learn from them.
So, how can the spotlight effect be useful, and not so useful, in our lives?
We can become more self-aware of ourselves and others. If we see somebody who seems anxious or nervous, we can be more empathetic towards them. It can help us build more positive relationships with ourselves. As I said earlier, we have to live in our own heads. Our relationship with ourselves is one of the most important relationships we have to nurture and maintain. Work on understanding yourself and becoming your own best friend.
The spotlight effect isn’t all positive. A key characteristic of the spotlight effect is to ensure we don’t find ourselves too deeply driven by it. If we focus on every social situation and how we and others are perceived, it can actually lead to a higher level of anxiety in social situations. The difficult part is to balance the spotlight effect. To balance it so we become more carefree and realise we aren’t the centre of the universe, but not get so deep into it that all we think about is how we come across to others.
We can also misinterpret others due to the spotlight effect. Rather than using the spotlight effect to analyse others, I believe it can help us build better relationships with ourselves. It allows self-expression and heightened self-esteem if properly balanced. The side we tip when considering the spotlight effect can depend on our relationship with mistakes. If we’re less scared or embarrassed by mistakes then we won’t over-observe ourselves and others in social situations. And then we’ll avoid being hyper-aware of the spotlight effect, gaining from the positive effects of the cognitive bias.