The Place

It’s hard to convince yourself that the place you’re in right now is the one you’re meant to be in.

We live in imaginary futures that will never be, and idealised pasts that never were.

A bittersweet taste envelops our every sense when we’re dragged back to reality. Why aren’t I in my imagined future? Why didn’t I do this differently in the past, then maybe my idealised past would become my idealised present.

So, you have regrets? Can’t change those. Things you wish to do in your imagined future. Can’t do those either. How can you idealise the unobtainable? All we truly have is now. This place you exist in during this exact second. And it passes like raindrops on a window. Focus on one, and it’s gone as quickly as it appeared, into some undefined, unobserved future. Did you make the most of the time you spent watching said raindrop?

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My Stationary Place

I find I’m growth-driven, so much so that how I pursue growth drives my mood. If I feel myself in the same place for too long, I grow frustrated.

There are a few things I’ve learned about myself to ease this frustration. I can do things that scare me, or pursue projects that I centre my life around, like the exact piece you’re reading right now.

Geopolitics Explained is my way of breaking down the world around me. Something Greater is me breaking down myself. Currently, I find myself in a frustrating period of stationarity. Is that because I’m struggling to break myself down, or because the world around me grows more complicated? Is it because I’ve not done something that scares me for a while?

I could do many things that scare me, but would it be beneficial? It would scare me to eat every wild berry I can get my greedy little mitts on, but upon gaining the incredible superpower of a very upset stomach, would the fear beforehand have been beneficial? Sure, I wouldn’t make the same mistake again. Am I encouraging myself to eat wild berries once so I don’t do it again?

This isn’t the moral of this story. I’m breaking the fourth wall. Scrap that. Start again.

Photo by thomas heintz on Unsplash

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Still Stationary In Place

Ironically, it’s this kind of back-and-forth with myself that I find myself stuck in. I could do things that scare me, but would it align with the sense of growth I feel from doing things important to me in the present?

I worry about the past, and the future, and I’m working on convincing myself that all I have is the present moment. But it’s not so easy-peasy lemon squeezy; it’s more difficult difficult lemon difficult.

I thought living presently would allow me to make the most of every situation I find myself in. I hoped this would naturally lead me to life events and situations that scare me and lead to growth, and the perpetual cycle would fuel me at an exponential rate. So why am I stationary?

I think, especially now, it’s hard to convince myself that the place I’m in right now is the one I’m meant to be in. Am I regressing? Do I need a change?

Since the past and future aren’t my concern, I guess I’ll get comfortable here, being uncomfortable; Still stationary in place.

Do I feel stationary, while the treadmill of life moves me forward whether I like it or not? It’s a fact over which I have no control. As much as I try to create my own world, to feel some control, its continued movement isn’t one such element of life I can control. Can we run at different speeds? Can I move through life while taking the time to enjoy all that is around me?

We can always look at our long-term plan, or lack of a long-term plan, and long to possess such a grandiose plan. Sometimes, leaving this plan as a blank slate could lead to life diverting us to places we never thought we’d go.

Since the past and future aren’t my concern, I guess I’ll get comfortable here, being uncomfortable; Still stationary in place.