The Kindness (And How To Kill People With It)

Don’t actually murder, please.

This is not advice to murder. Don’t find yourself sitting in a jail cell in handcuffs and say, “Dylan said it's ok.” It isn’t.

So, by process of elimination, if this isn’t about murder, it has to be about kindness.

It involves being considerate to others, but it doesn’t have to be complicated—a smile on the street or standing aside to let someone pass.

It could be truly paying attention to somebody or asking them questions. Perhaps it's telling somebody that you’re thinking of them or petting a dog!

We have so many options for how we can spread kindness.

This can build our social relationships, and set a ground layer built on connection, understanding, and love. In a world where we’re finding ourselves more divided and separated by differences, we’re all human, and we can all benefit from the spread of kindness.

By cultivating our social circles, we’re more likely to feel supported, and to build trust with those we care about. Our social groups then create a feeling of belonging and understanding within them, and in a shallower world, feeling seen is a difficult thing to come by.

So, how can we use kindness in our lives, to benefit others, while also aiding ourselves?

Photo by Mei-Ling Mirow on Unsplash

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Act

Every day, I try to journal about one thing that I did for somebody else that day. At first, I’d struggle to come up with anything in particular that I’d done for somebody else, and that made me rather sad.

Over time, I subconsciously seem more likely to do something for somebody else every day. Like I’ve programmed my own routine into finding the time to help somebody else in any small way. This is partly selfishly driven, as I feel great when I do. It's even more selfishly driven because often, if you do somebody a favour, psychologically, you’re more likely to receive one back. But it's good practice to perform acts of kindness without expecting anything back. If you do receive an act of kindness in return, use this as a “good person” filter. If somebody recognised your kindness and then took the action to reciprocate, I take that as a sign of a deep thinker. Somebody who considers the well-being of others, and most importantly, takes action to show it. Sure, it might be for self-gain, but kindness isn’t zero-sum. If I tell a moderately hilarious joke, and I sit there laughing to myself as I write it, and then you read it and the edges of your mouth curl up slightly as you try to hide your laughter, then we’ve both benefitted.

Photo by Marija Zaric on Unsplash

Kindness is a positive sum game. This means all individuals benefit. The pie increases and everyone gets a bigger piece. Everyone benefits from what is called the “Helpers High”. This term refers to the release of neurotransmitters, such as dopamine, which contributes to the regulation of mood, and leads to feelings of pleasure and satisfaction. This should create positive feedback loops in our lives when it comes to kindness.  

Get out there and make your life more positive sum. Make it full of kindness, and who knows what you’ll get in return.

And remember, no actual murder, please. Just try with kindness.