The Actor
When You Look In The Mirror, Who Looks Back?
I spent years pretending to be something I wasn’t.
I spent years trying to be what people wanted me to be, instead of what I was deep down. What I was when I looked in the mirror.
I was inauthentic in a world of actors.
We wake up, and decide which mask to put on today, knowing that we’re pushing down the feeling to rip it off. To show the world who we truly are. Sure, it makes you sick to your stomach, but you carry on anyway.
Every move is considered. How will they react to this? Or that? We often sit motionless, frozen, waiting to mess it up for the character we’re playing. But it’s ok. If we mess up one character, I’ll make another. As long as I’m not truly me.
If you’re always pretending, do you have anybody who knows you? If you can’t accept yourself, how can anybody else?
Who Are You, Truly?
There are many reasons some don the mask of inauthenticity. We could be fearful of rejection. Perhaps we have wishes to be accepted while believing we aren’t good enough to be accepted due to low self-esteem or low self-acceptance. We could feel a level of control by donning a mask. We can control the narrative. Paint the picture we want to paint. Society and its expectations of us also force us to wear a mask. To stay on the main road, and to not stray into parts unknown.
In the moments surrounded by other people, the act consumes energy. The true reflection of who we truly are doesn’t come when surrounded by others, it comes when we’re alone. We authentically arrive when we look at ourselves in the mirror and we see a stranger staring back. This stranger lives in our body and wears our clothes. They eat our food, and that stuff is getting expensive, so that’s a big deal. They suppress our feelings, and deep down, the real us is screaming to get out.
Eventually, as occurs when most change in life comes around, we figure out that the only one who can make a positive change in our lives is us. We have to tell the stranger to get out of the house. We have to face who we are, truly.
How Can We Embrace Ourselves?
We can’t blame the world for this issue, even though it’s becoming more prevalent by the day. Many wear the mask as they pursue a job, a relationship, a place they live, an education, a family, and a treasure trove of riches.
If we reach a point in life where we decide enough is enough, and we seek a change, or if you want to no longer wear a mask, take a look at this mask and ask yourself what parts of yourself were you trying to hide. It’s a difficult question, but as Joseph Campbell said:
“The priveledge of a lifetime is being who you are.”
If we self-reflect and face ourselves enough, we can then cast aside the mask forever.
Sure, there needs to be reduced stigma around “the perfect life”. There needs to be a movement to encourage people to speak up about their feelings, and a pursuit of safe environments for people to be themselves. Groups such as the Andy’s Man Club and Women’s Wellbeing Club are doing great work towards this, as are countless other wellbeing groups not split by gender.
But, the key first step is within ourselves. We have to take the action to pull off the mask.
Concluding Remarks
If you take a look in the mirror and see aspects of yourself staring back that aren’t a true representation of you, it’s simple, but ask yourself, “Why?”. Then ask again. And again, until you finally see yourself. The world wasn’t meant for you to be somebody else. It was meant for you to be you. No mask, just you. You’re valued, and you’re important, and you’re imperfect, and that’s great! In fact, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Identity has to be some kind of compromise.
Or you aren't a social being... you are something else.
Identitarian absolutes are anti social.